Just Keep Carrying the Message
It just breaks my heart when a sponsee decides to go out. I mean it is a decision, a choice. No one pours that drink back in you or makes you swallow that pill, hit that pipe, or shoot that syringe. It is the insanity prior to taking that action that baffles me.
I thank my God on a daily basis for the willingness to keep an open mind, the desire to stay in the solution, and that the obsession to drink has been removed for the past eleven years now. In working with others I find myself fulfilled and also engaged in making a difference in someone else's life. Where did that come from? I was a seriously selfish and isolating individual for years and years.
This is not saying that for years prior to getting sober and being in recovery I did not relapse time after time on my own. I mean please, make note of the fact that it was on my own. Sure it was with Dave, we both tried... but it was without any guidance and support. The 12 Steps have changed my life forever.
I know in my heart that I cannot keep anyone sober and I cannot get anyone drunk or to use. It is their choice. I just need to continue to work my Program to the best of my ability, listen to my sponsor, and to be of service for those who need and want me. I will remain an example that this works for when and if they choose to come back and live a life that is happy, joyous and free.
