Mar 4 2011

More Sheenisms

Charlie Sheen

Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.

Usage: "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

Winning

Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.

Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”

Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”

Bi-winning

Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.

Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

Riding the mercury surfboard

Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.

Usage: "It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard." (See also: “winning.”)

Wearing a golden sombrero

Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).

Usage: “I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."

Tiger blood

Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.

Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

Sober Valley Lodge

Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”

Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”

The Wedge

Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. "the goddesses."

Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”

Boom

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.

Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life. “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)

Buh-bye

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.

Usage: “That's how I roll. And if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”

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Mar 1 2011

Charlie Sheen Implosion

Charlie Sheen is on a Manic Mystery Tour! He hasn't shut up in weeks and I don't see any end in sight. With his show officially canceled for the season (there were 8 more episodes to tape) and any contractual obligation to keep his trap shut out the window, Charlie is opening up to ANYONE who will listen to his insanity.

Shortly after this his publicist quit too. Stan Rosenfield announced he was resigning as Charlie Sheen's publicist in an effort to save his own reputation, Charlie felt pissed about this betrayal. His words were "Pussy. He's not allowed to quit, so you’re fired."

The crazy just keeps coming too. Earlier today, it was learned that Charlie is planning on suing CBS, WB, and Executive Producer Lorre for $320 million for "mental anguish."

Now, Charlie has had lawyer Marty Singer send WB and CBS a letter demanding that Sheen be compensated approximately $16 million for this season's eight canceled episodes of Two and a Half Men.

Get a load of his interview on Good Morning America. Somebody is on the denial train and it's coming off the tracks!

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